ADAM AND STEVE

I had waited a long time for this day. Steve and I had been together for ten years, but Gay Marriage had only become legal in Texas a few months earlier. Two minutes after the court ruling had come down, Steve had been on one knee before me. "Adam, will you marry me?" "Do you even need to ask?" I had replied, and then neither of us could stop laughing for an hour. His nose gets even bigger when he laughs, which turns me on even more than usual, and he has said that he feels the same about me and mine. The three intervening months of planning are a complete whirl in my mind as I stand at the back of the Sanctuary, with him at the front, preparing to walk down the isle. The decision as to whom would do which was made easy by the fact that my mother and father said that they would walk me down the isle while Steve's parents had said that they would have nothing to do with any of this, and I will not here repeat the language they used, so obviously they were not going to be a part of our lives "Until and unless they grow up," as my mom had put it. I could hear the protesters outside the church even as I stood, weak-kneed with joy but also a bit of dread mixed in, knowing that this will have a cost, my mom holding my left arm and my dad my right. I hear the music start to what we're calling "Here Comes The Groom." "It's time, Adam," my mom whispers. My dad and I nod and we start down the isle. My eyes are trained on Steve and his on me as our faces draw steadily nearer to each other until we all stand before the minister, Pastor Andrew. "Dearly Beloved," he begins. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of. . ." "You are gathered here together today to die!" screams a loud voice. Looking to the back of the church, I see a group of men in black clothes and black masks, carrying assault rifles trained on the five of us up front, but more of them on Steve and I than on Pastor Andrew or my parents. "Sir," says Pastor Andrew. "This is a church and a celebration of love and life. There is no place for hate or instruments of death. Please leave, NOW!" The tone of his "NOW" leaves no doubt that there will not be a please if he has to ask a second time. The gun people merely laugh and cock their triggers. But then. . . Suddenly, all the lights go out and the windows go dark. "What the hell," I hear the same voice say. "It's God's punishment coming down on this abomination," another shouts. "But why on us too, we're not. . ." He is cut off by a clap of Thunder so loud I hear it shatter several of the stained glass windows. "This is a judgement from above," says a voice like Thunder. "But not one rewarding your hate. One punishing it. This wedding will proceed and be completed. The only question is who will be alive for the 'I dos" and who will not." Suddenly, I hear a volley of gun fire, but all of the bullets sound like thy stop in mid air and I do not hear a single scream. Then, lightning flashes all around the room and in each bolt I perceive a pair of young men, each with even bigger noses than Steve and I, all standing between the gun men and the rest of us, and all of the bullets dissolve before they come close to their bodies. "Are you finished?" says the voice that we heard before but now see the face that goes with it and ejaculate right in my undershorts. His nostrils are a little wider than his whole face, which is not small, and all have a glow to them that makes it hard to look at directly. "Because," he continues, "as I said, this wedding is GOING to be completed, the only question is, will you all be alive to see it? And I warn you, The Patience of The Thunder Boys IS getting thin." We all gasp. Of course, I've heard the rumors, who hasn't? but rumors and reality are two very different things. Most of the gunmen give a dejected sigh, drop their weapons and either leave or sit down, although the leader pulls out another pistol and points it. "Really?" says the Thunder Boys' leader, sounding bored. All of the remaining gun men follow their leader, and the lead Thunder Boy turns to his partner. "Do you want to do the honors, Micah, or should I?" "I'll do them, Zacharia," he replies. Then Micah raises his left hand and brings it down in a single, swift, simple motion. Instantly, a powerful thunder storm erupts just around the remaining gun men, and they scream as they are incinerated by the lightning, and then it ends, with not even smoldering ash remaining. "Now," says Zacharia. "We came here to see a wedding, so let's get on with it. When it's done, if you like, Adam and Steve, we'll make you two Thunder Boys." I see in Steve's eyes that he is just as anxious for this as I, so after the vows and rings have been exchanged, we stand holding each other , and Zacharia and Micah shoot us with a combined Thunder Bolt that engulfs us both. When it clears, while neither of us look any different, I can feel it inside and can see in Steve's eyes that he can as well. "Now for the reception," says my dad. All of The Thunder Boys and every other guest nod. "Once the celebrating is concluded," says a different Thunder Boy, whose name I have not caught but whose nostrils are just shy of the size of Zachariah's, stopping at the outer edges of his face. "Next stop, The Republican National Convention." All of THe Thunder Boys, including Steve and I, the newest Thunder Boys, nod, Gitters rising up strongly in me at the prospect of traveling the way they travel. * * * At The Fortress of Thunder, Matthew roared as Luke shot buckets of semen up both nostrils of his trunk and he began doing the same up Luke's snout. "We're close," said Matthew, and Luke nodded. "Soon" he said. "With a wedding completed and other recent events, it is very soon." Then they went on with their love making and spoke no more for some time. LOOK FOR 'WARRIORS OF THE STORM, THE CATACLYSM AT CONSERVATIVE CENTRAL' COMING SOON TO A THUNDER BOYS BLOG NEAR YOU.